Well Now...

Today I discovered that the human thumb has 15 interchangable joints. Amazing. Simply Amazing.

Lie of the Month

Damn, I have been remiss in my duties as a liar. Then, to top it all off, someone hacked into my account and posted some gibber jabber about a text message breakup. What?

Seriously, whoever had the balls to hack into my account has another thing coming.

Furthermore America: How did you like that little election trick? I thought you would. YOU'RE WELCOME.

Sworry

I didn't mean it. I thought it was a good idea. I mean, you love to text message. Sure, I always thought it rated lower than IMing on the scale of socially appropriate forms of communication, but I just went with it. I thought you'd like it.
Why is a txt msg brkup so wrong?

BTW, your ass looks fat today. Betch.

Book of the week.

Lies My Teacher Told Me: Everything Your American History Textbook Got Wrong by James W. Loewen

One of the best books I've read since Mr. Stossel's masterwork. If you were ever in school and thought: LIES; this book is for you. Although, I do think that there are more than a few lies within Mr. Loewen's pages than maybe he is even aware of. This, my friends, is the beauty of lies.

Don't worry John Stossel. I still love you. My affection for you has taken root deep within my soul and shall never be withered by age, despair or fallacious inaccuracy.

Lie of today

Okay I have a confession to make. I was drunk. I didn't think anyone would actually read what I wrote. So, when I hacked into Mr. Mark Foley's email account and wrote some sensual emails (yes, they were SENSUAL. The left-wing liberal media has made the emails seem far more perverted than they were) to one of the guys I went to High School with, I didn't think anyone would read them. My former school mate just happened to be a paige to Mr. Foley. My little joke got out of hand, I admit. Not my fault. I would apologise, but it is not my fault. I didn't tell the liberal media. That was somebody else.

So, to whoever leaked those emails: Way to take a joke, JERK.

Lie of the Ever-so-Often

Whew, I never realized how exhausting lying everyday could be. I mean, at first it was fun, very carefree. But now, I don't know. Maybe it's a crisis of Lying Faith.

For those of you who are unaware, Lying Faith is the belief that most liars have their mistruths are credible. Not quite a religion, Lying Faith is a practice that been around since approx. 904 AD, in Flanders. It's not known who started Lying Faith, but rumors have claimed Kit Von Furban, Paul Van Reuban, Peter Paul Ruben and Rubeus Hagrid as possible founders.

To all of you who practice Lying Faith, let's not forget our upcoming holiday -Liar's Day- which of course is celebrated on Oct. 15th. Or is it Nov. 15th? Maybe Nov. 3rd? Everyone I ask says something different.

2 for 1 Lies

Since I missed out on yesterday's lie (as is my wont) today I present two:

Last Thursday I took a day trip to South Dakota to proprose some new underground "ladies' health" clinics to local counties. While there, what did mine eyes see? None other than the legendary JACKALOPE! I took this as a sign that my work was justified, because as everyone knows, Jackalopes are Pro-Choice.


You know when you are in Wisconsin because every Friday, nearly every restaurant (ethnic or otherwise) has a fish fry. But here's a little fun fact: I catch all those fish. Every three weeks, I saunter over to Lake Michigan and I fish approx 12 tons of Perch, Cod, Walleye and Bass. Yes, all from Lake Michigan. My friend Pete takes care of the Chicagoland area, but Wisconsin? That's me.
To all you fish fry lovers: Your welcome.

Today's Lie

I am the mayor of Meth City. In Meth City, weight is measured in Meths. For example, the average resident in Meth City weighs approx. 14 Meths. This equals roughly 21 pounds. The currency of Meth City: Scabs. There is no easy conversion of Scabs to dollars, as this particular currency works mostly as a barter system. The population of Meth City is nebulous and everchanging, so you're always sure to see a new face. Paradise Engineers, Pharmacists, and Better-Than-Life Juice-Makers are all encouraged to visit Meth City, as it can be assured that they will find Meth City a challenging and rewarding Metropolis.

Life or Meth? Choose Meth City.

*Paid for by the Metropolian Meth City Council.

Lie of the day

Today's lie:

I was the inventor of the Post-It note. Not Romy. Not Michelle. They are a bunch of liars. I'll not stand for it.

Book of the Week

Occasionally, I will highlight a book that I find compelling. This week's book:

Myths, Lies, and Downright Stupidity: Get Out the Shovel--Why Everything You Know is Wrong by John Stossel.

That John Stossel really knows what he is talking about. Although I do have have a problem with him telling me that everything I know is wrong. I'd like to think that there are a few things that I know that are correct. Then again, it is John Stossel. What do I know compared to Mr. Stossel?

Lie of the Day

Welcome to the Blog of Lies. It's just sooo wonderful of you to be here. Occasionally out of my own selflessness I will bless you with a Lie of the Day. Congradulations. Today is that day:

Last Tuesday I flew a kite. Torn from my grasp by a gust of wind, the kite flew away. It landed in the Atlantic Ocean where it was promptly swallowed by a lone Orca whale.

On another note, I heard that Kim* and Jeffery* where caught "doing it" in the copy room.


*names have been fabricated to protect people who do not exist.