Al...lan

Al Franken. Seems that we've had another run in. I'm sorry that you must have felt put out by the fact that you had to wait for Margaret to drop me off before you could be dropped off at your own respective party. We could see your scowl. DEAL WITH IT.

PS. Stop driving that #$%^&*@! SUV.

So attractive.

It's really attractive when people you might be interested in act uninterested and they can't be bothered, but get jealous the moment you start speaking with someone else. It's my favorite behavior of males 20-37. Keep it up! It's really awesome!

In second place is text messaging. God. Texting is so hot. I get all bothered every time someone near me partakes. GAAAAAHHHHHHH.

Water is bad for you.

I'm in LOVE!

Oh Sparkling Korea, how I LOVE YOU. I love our hot dates, where we go to the amusement park to amuse ourselves.

If I could shout our love from a mountain, I WOULD!

World News Headline

Apparently the International Olympic Committee has officially recognized fishing as an Olympic Sport. This change will take place for the 2012 games in London.

Start practicing now!

Fact

Mr.Spock is actually demonstrating a Vulcan gang symbol for the Vulcani-Thugz.

So, not only did he fool all members aboard the Starship Enterprise, he fooled you too. That makes him one of the best liars ever.

Time for a story...

Back in '86 I spent sometime working as a glass bottom boat operator in Clearwater Springs, Florida. It was a great job- I had few responsibilities (mostly keeping the boat from sinking, and keeping passengers on board), and could drink on the job. Those were the good old days when it didn't matter too much if you hit a manatee with your boat. I never tried to hit any, but I swear some of them were asking for it.

Anyway, one time there was an incident with a turtle and a bag of pork rinds - the boat sank, and I was told that I had to replace the boat using my wages.

That's when I moved to Wisconsin.

An apology to OJ.

Dear OJ-
Really, I should gloat. I mean, not only did I steal your stuff, you got in trouble and blamed the wrong guys. Sucka. You didn't even see me coming.

But guilt is a funny thing. Because of my own festering guilt, here I stand, an apology swelling from my heart. I hope you can forgive me.

However, know this Mr.Simpson: Although I feel badly about what happened, I'm still not giving back your precious "name doodles" or what collectors refer to as "autographs." And do you know why?

Because I still think you did it.

Sincerely,
Duplicity L. Jones